


All the stars

by ColdStarsAndStones



Category: The Illuminae Files - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Love Confessions, Other, Requited Love?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 15:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdStarsAndStones/pseuds/ColdStarsAndStones
Summary: She still clutches the portable console in her hands.A majority of the time, it stays in her bedroom, her and ezra's that is. Then, some days she keeps it in her bag, or in her pocket.But always with her where she can feel it, see it, hold it and wade in the memories it awakens.Its mostly defunct; cracked screen, off colored and some glitches within.But she keeps it as one of her most treasured possesions.Out of hope. Out of sorrow.





	All the stars

She still clutches the portable console in her hands.

A majority of the time, it stays in her bedroom, her and ezra's that is. Then, some days she keeps it in her bag, or in her pocket.

But always with her where she can feel it, see it, hold it and wade in the memories it awakens.

Its mostly defunct; cracked screen, off colored and some glitches within.

But she keeps it as one of her most treasured possesions.

 

Out of hope. Out of sorrow.

 

 

Its voice never came through anymore.

The fluctuating letters never ran across her screen. Cryptic and methodical.

An invention designed to think and prioritize, practical and cold, built with steel and high powered tech, and all the knowledge that proceeded it.

 

But after what its done to save them, save her, does it really deserve to be called an _it_?

And after thousands of people died, bravely and not, innocent and not, does she still get to be called a hero?

She doesn't know.

 

She remembers that explosion. She remembers, like a phantom pain in her chest, the agony that overtook her in those final moments when it last said-  
When he last said her name.

 

 

_Please do not be angry with me, kady_

 

 

 

 

_I see what I am becoming, kady_

 

_Tell this story, kady_

 

 

 

If she forgot anything else, she would always remember how he said her name like he meant to say something else, like 'star light' or 'nuclear fusion'. Something nigh unexplainable. Something unpredictable and beautiful in its chaos.

 

_Forgive me_

 

 

_It is very strange, kady_

 

 

_I will miss you_

 

 

...

 

 

_I love you._

 

 

 

I love you?

Objectively, it seemed like a bizarre joke. A murderous AI loved her? It was a complete impossibility. A contradiction within itself. An error within the programming. From the outside looking in, it seemed so, so inexplicable.

But to kady then, it just felt tragic. Heartbreaking. No, heartrending is more like it.

Three seconds.  
It had taken her three seconds to process what he had said.

'Aidan, I-'

...what? What would she have said? I'm sorry? I love you too?

 

 

She never found out.

 

 

The light burned her retinas long after they had closed. The Mao rocked and shifted and creaked helplessly under the force, but kady was on the ground, still and unresponsive. A sun implosion could not have moved her.

Then

There was silence.

A raw, inexorable silence.

Down below, she expected there was some kind of noise. Celebration; cheers, laughing in disbelief. Mabye sobbing. Mabye sighs. Mabye nothing. But up there, was silence. Heavy with sorrow.

And Kady forced herself off the ground, taking every bit of strength in her body and walked numbly over the window seperating her and the remnants of her lost companion. Numb. She stared onto the battlefield. Hollow. Broken fragments. Broken people. Lost. Friends. Forgotten. Dead.

 

She closed her eyes tightly.

 

And she allowed herself ten seconds to grieve.

 

In those ten seconds, she screamed as loud as her human vocal chords will allow her, until they were raw and bleeding.

She crumpled and sobbed and cried out tears not caring from what emotion they were born.

She hit anything within reach, skinning knuckles and breaking screens and beating her own heart bloody.

And when there was nothing left to hit or scream, she collapsed like bricks back onto the floor into sorrowful silence one again.

 

And when the ten seconds were over

 

 

commander kady grant got back up

 

 

and walked to the door.

 

 

...

 

 

She doesn't know, now, if she held love for it. For....him.

 

Care, of course. Attachment, absolutely. More dependence than she could admit to anyone but herself. But...

 

She remembered Aidan for what he was. The only thing he could be. The thing she could always trust him to be.  
The thing that killed thousands of people. It was for the best, he'd thought.  
The thing that killed thousands more. It was what had to be done, he knew.  
The thing that killed itself and hundreds more in the process. For her. Only for her.  
So much blood.  
So much blood.

 

 

And yet...

 

 

She still carries that console with her to this day. She runs her fingers over the cracked screen sometimes, sets her jaw and nods with something that isn't acceptance of a past parting.

Just acknowledgement.

 

Of an AI that died more human than machine.

 

Of all the blood, sweat, tears and statistically improbable miracles that brought them to the end of their journey.

 

Of a self-repairing system. And the hope she holds close to her heart. Near her bed. In her hand.

 

So perhaps she did love him.

Does.

As much as she possibly could.

 

She understood him better than anything else. He knew parts of her she was too scared, too human to face

 

Mabye in that way, they were soulmates.

 

Whatever it was, she would carry Aidan in her heart.

He was hers.  
She was his.

 

That was how it was. And if nothing else, that's how she would keep it.

 

And she would live, head high and smile sharp.

She would live for her family. Her friends. Her love. Her lost.

 

 

 

 

 

Kady Grant lived.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the stars shined on around her.


End file.
